Is closure in relationships necessary? We talk about it during @ThatDatingShow (3/2/2017 via VOC )

closure – 1) the act or process of closing something, especially an institution, thoroughfare, or frontier, or of being closed OR  2) a sense of resolution or conclusion at the end of an artistic work

Have you ever been in a relationship and heard someone say, “I can’t go on like this and yet I need closure.” Or have you been involved with someone who is holding on to a ghost and still has yet to put the past in its proper place?  In those situations, it’s likely that there’s yet to be closure, and it’s doubtful any new relationship will have a solid foundation if there is someone holding on to their former partner, right?

If you’d like to,  you can tune in to ‘That Dating Show’ which was prerecorded this morning and will air via VocNation.com this Thursday night at 10 pm EST.  During the show, Pamela Michelle aka @SportyDiva and myself discuss relationships, dating advice, and in this episode we focus on closure, and it’s relevance in being able to move forward.

 

Vegas, so far …oh and David Cassidy, the media, and alternative facts

I thought I would miss the beach much more than I do, but the mountains provide such a scenic view each time I step outside of my home that I find myself stopping and staring at the amazing beauty that surrounds.  There’s a certain sense of calm in the desert and so far my experiences in Vegas and its surrounding areas have been nothing short of magnificent.  In fact, that’s probably why I have not written here for quite awhile, because I’m busy getting to know new people and new places, and I am enjoying the exploration.

My new place is rather peaceful and it’s coming along.  I found a great table at Good Will, and it was less than $20 so I’m super psyched about that.  My plan is to one day sand and re-finish it but that will come in time.  I absolutely love shopping at consignment shops and although Good Will is not a consignment it’s sort of similar only it puts people to work, and I love that about it.  Ever since going through a devastating storm, where I wore clothes that had been donated, and wrapped myself in blankets that were also donated, I have come to appreciate the simple acts of kindness in a way I never knew.  I know not everyone thinks about the people who benefit from their donations and it’s likely that some just need to get a tax-donation or rid of something but to me Good Will, is so much more than that and regardless of the reason people give their things, it’s a very cool experience to shop there.

So far, I’ve been to some concerts and actually plan to make it a habit to catch one a month.  Always regretted not taking advantage of Manhattan in that way, as I’m not sure if I ever saw anything on Broadway the entire time I lived there.  That’s pretty lame.  One of the concerts I saw recently was David Cassidy.  I thought he was amazing and as I watched the slide show of the still photographs which featured scenes from his earlier years, I thought about how much my sister loved him when she was growing up.  I guess everyone loved him back in the day.  I was amazed at his ability to remember things and share so much with his audience.  He exuded gratitude and I was in awe at the talent on stage.  It saddened me to see that TMZ ran a story that he fell off the wagon and was slurring his words on stage.  A few days later I happened upon an issue of People magazine which has a cover story about an exclusive interview with David Cassidy and his battle with dementia.  This lead me to think about the media, and the horrific way it will report on something without checking the facts, just to sell a magazine or get you to click on a link.  I’m not saying that TMZ article was reporting inaccurately but it would not surprise me and it just seemed so sad and somewhat exploitive.  Then I thought about Trump, and his use of the term ‘enemy’ when describing the media.

It seems like forever that I have been trying to get the media to be more accurate and I do not blame President Trump for wanting to correct the misleading media.  Sadly, it seems to have become an “us against them” stance and that’s never good because it seems so counter-productive.  I remember when one of the New York papers called the NFL commish a liar accusing him of having seen the video of Ray Rice hitting his then girlfriend and I do not think there was one ounce of proof that he had lied, but the headlines would have had you believe he was no different than Pinnochio.  We have justice systems that are supposed to be based on innocence until proven guilty and one would think that the media would be apt to be similar but just as our justice systems are flawed so too is the media.  Of course, the media is only human after all.

 

Does #SB51 trump, Trump?

I woke up this morning, excited for the big game.  For some reason, I opened an email which was lead about how our newly elected president thinks that politics are bigger than the Super Bowl.  I just smiled and next thing I knew I was reading the Twitter timeline which was chock full of tweets posted by our president or the person that tweets for him.  One of the tweets mentioned how the judge who overturned the recent ban is dumb, or maybe it said that the judge’s decision was dumb. I don’t really remember but it matters not, and if you want you can venture to look for yourself about how our newly elected official thinks that it’s dumb that a judge can overturn a decision by Homeland Security.

I thought to myself about all I learned about our government while taking classes in school. One of the classes was actually called, Terrorism.  Then there was the one called, Landmark Supreme Court Cases…. and I smiled, again.  Then I remembered that it’s game day, and decided I’d think about this tomorrow.

As I begin to close my laptop, I take a moment to pray for all those who will play in the big game, and all those who will be in attendance and I hope that they will be safe.  There is never a guaranty that any of us will be here tomorrow and for all we know this might be our last day.  I think about the hi-jackers who killed innocent people on 9-11, and I thank God that I was no there on that day and that my name is not one of the names that is read off each year.  As we continue to move forward, let us not forget that we must be diligent and mindful and always careful.  Let us also remember that evil is not necessarily going to show up  with a sign that says, “Hi, I’m Evil and I’m here to destroy you.”  Evil has existed since the beginning of time, and closing our borders will not necessarily stop it.  We must look to what we’ve already done, and who is already here.  We must be prudent and careful not to allow fear to govern, but look to view a totality of circumstance and be aware that the balance of power we sought to create so many years ago, is there to protect us all in times like these.

 

 

 

It’s 4 am and I can’t sleep …

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It’s late at night, and I can’t sleep.  ( As soon as I type those words, I start thinking of a Shinedown song and the words to whatever song that is start replaying in my head. I’m certain it’s 4 am somewhere …)

What am I doing with my life?  It’s that question we so often ponder and there are days when I truly do not have an answer, although I keep telling myself that the direction I’m heading is the right one.

So it’s back to Vegas, to embark on my dream which involves my own business, consulting, strategizing and making my way. It’s really tough to leave everything you know behind and venture off to a city where for the most part you don’t know a soul, except for the people you’ve met in the past three months.  (By the way, thanks so much to my friend Diana for introducing me to some very cool people, because those people I’ve met over the past few months have truly been there for me to help me find my way and feel like I’m not too far away from home.)

Somedays, I tell myself to just keep going.  Follow your intuition because it’s your best guide.  Other days I want to hide under the covers and never come out.  Those are the days when I make certain to remind myself that if I just hold on one more day, things will begin to fall into place.  For there’s no way I’ll quit, not now anyway.

As I was going through my things, cleaning out my apartment, I came across a tax form that showed I paid over $16,000 or borrowed that much to pursue my doctorate.  That much money, and I never finished. Ugh! What was I thinking?  How could I go so far and quit?  Well, of course, if it weren’t for Hurricane Sandy, my life would have probably gone very differently.  I’d likely be teaching somewhere at a community college, or managing a non-profit organization that focused on educating about misusing power.

Crazy how life can throw you a curve ball sometimes.  What’s even crazier is that I’m up writing about it.

Turning off my computer, going back to sleep.  Early afternoon flight to Vegas.  Dream #tobecontinued 

Social Learning, Corporate Consciousness, the #NFL & Coca-Cola

When I was a little girl, I used to have a set of favorite commercials.  Some of them had songs and I can remember coming up with a cheer where my best friend and myself came up with dance moves and sang the lyrics in the streets.  It’s not like we had an audience.  Nobody was going to hear us sing, but we sang nonetheless.  We kicked out legs in the air, clapped our hands and sang together, “Look up America . . . ” Do you remember the song?

I grew up in the 70s and as most folks do when they reach what’s most likely the mid point of their life, I look back and think I had the best time ever, when I was a child.  We played kickball in the street, ran when we saw an approaching car, and put shaving cream in the mailboxes of our neighbors on what we called, Mischief Night.

For some reason, childhood memories stick with us, or some of us and for me some of my favorite memories center around television.  Not just the shows, but also the commercials.  As we prepare for the upcoming Super Bowl, there’s bound to be a lot of focus on the commercials, and which one makes the grade.

For me, some of the brands that come to mind as having the best commercials include those that center on sending a message that’s heartfelt and of course, aims to sell their product.  I also love the ones that are super-funny.  I think the one that comes to mind first, when I think of Super Bowl commercials is the one with the player from the Steelers who takes off his shirt, and gives it to a kid.  So many messages in that one little commercial and while it might have been the corporation’s intent to get folks to buy its product, it served up more than that when it sent more than one meaningful message.

Do you have a favorite commercial?  What do you think of when you think of Coca-Cola?  Do you think of the many of dollars its spent to help polar bears, empower women, or perhaps the feeling you got as a kid, when you held on to your dreams and sang songs? Look up America . . .

 

Diamonds are a girl’s best trend

It’s Sunday morning, and I’m waking up to a blanket of snow that’s glistening just like diamonds. Call me crazy, but I cannot stop thinking of baseball, and I’m so excited for Major League Baseball Season Opening Day, which by the way is only 85 days away!

So what’s going to happen this season? Will my team be playing baseball in October? Will my favorite pitcher still be wearing red? What about fantasy baseball? Will it continue to be the latest trend? Nobody knows for sure, but odds are that no matter what happens this year in MLB, diamonds will continue to be a girl’s best trend.

When it comes to making a fashion statement and what to wear to a game, many who follow baseball, will be decked out in their favorite player’s jerseys. Only, sometimes it’s hard to keep up with players who make a move, and you find your closet filled with jerseys with names no longer associated with your favorite team. For example, in my closet you’ll find a jersey with Max Scherzer’s name on it, which I bought when he was my favorite Tiger. I still wear the jersey, when I consider taking a selfie photo to post for #TBT, but for the most part wearing a team jersey with a player who’s making plays for an opposing team is most likely considered a bit out of style, unless you are wanting to make a statement, such as he should never have been traded!  Then again, if I am considering drafting Max onto my fantasy team, I might be setting a trend when I show up with my ‘Scherzer jersey,’ on Draft Day!

Perhaps one of the best things to do when it comes to deciding what to wear to the game is get decked out in your favorite team colors, and there are some great fashion trends that are bound to get you pumped up for baseball.

One trend I borrowed from Pamela Michelle aka @SportyDiva  on Twitter which is a  ‘must follow’ this year, is having your nails and socks be in alignment with all the fanfare for Opening Day! Pamela Michelle gets her nails done in O.P.I.’s Girl’s Love Diamonds and Love Athletes in Cleats which, of course, are white and red respectively and shows homage for her beloved Sox!  When I visited Detroit to take in a Tigers’ game a few years ago, I happened to pick up promotional polish decked out with ‘The D,’ one bottle in blue and the other in orange. I wear the orange on my toes with summer sandals, all season long!  Trendy nail polish, whether its colors, decals or the bottle sporting your favorite team logo which shows up in your selfies can be a way to get in the spirit and it’s usually in alignment with most budgets so it’s definitely a win-win.

Whether it was the glistening snow, the thought of MLB being just 85 days away, or perhaps the thought of Valentine’s Day just around the corner, for some reason I have diamonds on my mind.  Maybe, MLB is the reason April’s birthstone is diamond.  Who knows?  What I do know, is you do not have to look far to find some great fashion items that will get you ready for baseball. Whether you’re planning to sport your favorite socks or show off your gorgeous rock, it’s time start planning. Remember, diamonds will always be in fashion and forever and always, a girl’s best trend!  What are you wearing Opening Day?

baseballrules

 

What determines a ‘Hate Crime’ in the United States of America?

Good morning.  I must have fallen asleep with the television on, and never quite made it to my bedroom last night.  I know this because I work up to the sound of Robin Meade talking about a horrible crime that apparently involved some sort of torture.  I caught the tail end of the conversation, the part where she asked her distinguished guest about the factors that go into determining to charge someone with a ‘hate crime.’  If I recall correctly, she asked the question, “What goes into determining if something is a ‘hate crime,’ which by the way is, in my opinion, an excellent question.

Although it’s a bit early, even for me, to get into the details of what goes into determining if something is a ‘hate crime,’ I anxiously awaited to hear the response from Ms. Meade’s guest, because this is a topic for a research paper I did in college, and besides feeling as though I was watching Jeopardy and actually know the answer to the proposed question, I think it’s a very important topic and one which so many people misunderstand.  And then it happened, her distinguished guest failed miserably at answering her question.  Maybe he got to provide the answer eventually, but he lost me when he started to discuss public opinion, and how this particular crime is one that public opinion had already swayed and in the eyes of public opinion this crime should be labeled a ‘hate crime.’  The problem is the guest did not answer Ms. Meade’s question, which might have been by design, but should public opinion decide if something is a ‘hate crime.’ And, at the risk of reiterating Ms. Meade’s question, what factors go into determining if something should be labeled a ‘hate crime’ or not, and why is it so important?  Do you know?

It’s issues like this that, I think, the public should know.  Maybe not all the details but at least the overall general issues so that we do not get carried away when it comes to determining an opinion about something without having a good understanding of what we’re talking about.  Legal issues are complicated, and the justice systems in the United States are complex.  Just because something seems to be one thing on the surface, does not make it so.  What’s a ‘hate crime’ and why does it matter if a prosecution takes time before determining to charge someone with such a crime might not be so simple.  Depending upon the state law or federal law, the factors involving such a matter could be very important, especially when it comes to sentencing.  A person’s motivation for committing a crime might not always be apparent early on, and it’s wise for law enforcement to do their jobs thoroughly, and then equally wise for a prosecution team to do their job thoroughly, before rushing to judgment.  The only thing that’s somewhat ironic is that when they do, there are those in the media who seem to feel that they take too long and that they should allow public opinion to be a dominant force.  What happens when public opinion steers the ship when it comes to prosecution?  especially when that public is not educated in the law?

Consenting to rape, did I really?

Recently I went to Ohio to visit my son who happens to be a junior enrolled at the University of Ohio.  It was Thanksgiving week, and I had not intended to travel back East but when I heard he had been admitted to the hospital and was eventually placed in the Intensive Care Unit, I did not hesitate because circumstances being what they were caused me to alter my initial plans.  It turned out that my son had a severe case of mono, and after a two-day stint in the hospital; he was released in time to spend Thanksgiving with his family.  Since it was too late for him meet up with his girlfriend, and he was a bit too tired to travel, we spent the next four days in his dorm apartment binging on episodes of Law & Order, SVU.

What a wonderful experience to be with my son during that time, and although I was not happy about what lead me to alter my plans to skip work to be there with him, I felt so blessed to be spending time with this young man.  With each passing episode he seemed more and more interested in the issues involving sex crimes, to the point that he spoke vehemently about the issues.  I do not agree with that argument, he would say, and then he would share his reasons as to what it was that he felt strongly about.

I have always known my son was smart but until this day I had never seen or felt such passion in his voice, with the exception of his discussions about sports.  Until then, it was playing basketball that occupied his time and there was very little else on his plate that served to inspire him to such measure.  “I want to go to Villanova Law School, Mom,” he said.  “I want to study law.”

He still has a year to go at Ohio University, and whether or not he continues to have such passion and desire, let alone gets accepted remains to be seen, however, my gut tells me he’s on a mission.  After making the Dean’s list this year, and moving up from Academic Probation, my son is on a mission to excel in school.  He’s no longer envisioning himself a star athlete, who were his earlier dreams, but has taken a more serious and realistic approach to his future and he’s concerned about the issues involving sexual assault and campus rape.

Why is it that a person who is under the influence (self induced, by the way) of alcohol is punished when they get behind the wheel of a car, should they be pulled over?  If this is fair, which I am not saying it’s not, then why would a person who knowingly puts herself or himself in a situation, that is unsafe because that person might have been intoxicated, is not held accountable?  Should an intoxicated person who is victimized be held partially responsible for the crime?  What if both parties are drunk?  Does this make it okay?  Should a person who is intoxicated be held any less accountable for rape than let’s say someone like, Darren Sharper?  These are the types of questions, I discussed with my son during this past Thanksgiving week.

Years ago, I was young and naive.  I was also very self-destructive.  If you examine the variables of my past, you might understand what lead me to be this way.  It’s the typical horrible childhood, which of course is relative, but it was pretty shitty.  My mother left her first four children when I was an infant, and my father raised us with a stranger.  Despite what some might think or have you believe, I was not spoiled but rather treated an outsider in my family, since the stranger pretended to be my mother, and lies upon lies where concocted.  My father got arrested for a crime that you’d see on of those SVU episodes about, and my life, as a child was ridiculously chaotic.  It was filled with guilt, shame, and fear.  It’s no wonder I would be attracted to chaos and drama, and violent, controlling, abusive men.  It’s also no wonder I would allow myself to be in a position that I would be subjected to this behavior when I was in my early twenties.  But was it rape?

The issues surrounding ‘date rape’ and ‘sexual assault’ fascinate me because I’m often blown away at the way young men throw away their futures over a ‘one night stand’ and I’m equally or even more confused when they subject their girlfriends to horrific acts of violence.  I understand that there are times when consensual sex is violent but that’s different, and you do not need fifty shades of the law to determine what is rape.  Or do you?

This year, I’ll revisit my own radio show, after having the pleasure and honor of sharing the stage with one of the nation’s most prestigious lawyers, Brian Panish of Panish, Shea and Boyle (www.PSBLaw.com ).  I’m excited to hear your thoughts about the various issues that are brought up, and I welcome all opinions, even if they differ from my own.  In fact, I’m not even sure I have a definitive stance of the issue I brought up in this article.  Those of you, who know me, know that I’ve completed all of my classes toward a doctorate in Public Policy Administration with a specialization in law.  Although Hurricane Sandy, caused me to take a detour, and I now spend most of my time consulting about social media marketing, I’ve never let go of my passion to help educate about legal issues, and protect people from themselves.  I find the sports world fascinating, and love the games but more importantly, I care about educating people to at least make choices with as much information that’s available.

Someday, perhaps my son will graduate from Villanova University, with a degree in Sports & Entertainment Law, and if so, what an honor it would be to have him on my show.  Now back to sports….

 

Dear Mr. Goodell, It’s me again….

It might be a bit lofty to think that the commissioner of the National Football League takes the time to read my letters, but don’t you know ‘lofty’ is my middle name.  At least according to that assistant professor that happened graduate from Harvard who thought I was very lofty, indeed for thinking that MRIs could assist in determining a violent offender’s propensity toward violence.  I mean, imagine that.

So what on earth would I want to bother Mr. Goodell about now?  Well, for one thing I would likely suggest that he’s right on target in acknowledging that Las Vegas has ‘some real strengths.’  Yay!!! Finally, Vegas is getting the respect it deserves.

All those stats about how Vegas cannot possibly sell out, are a bunch of ‘bs’ if you ask me because just as Richard Velotta points out in his front page article of today’s Las Vegas Review-Journal it’s the ‘nontraditional’ that must be looked at when one wants to examine whether Vegas is a good market for an NFL team.  Stats mean nothing if the sample population is tainted, and you simply cannot compare Vegas to any other city in the United States. when it comes to the allure of a professional sports team.  Vegas IS different, and here’s one reason why.

Walk through Vegas on any given day and you will find several people walking on not only ‘The Strip’ but in the supermarkets, pharmacies, liquor stores, etc., what do those people have in common?  More often than not many of them are wearing team jerseys in support of their favorite team, quite possibly from their hometown.  Vegas are a melting pot, and it’s filled with sports fans.  Not all of them love the Raiders, but most of them love football.  So what would happen if, let’s say the Jets were to play the Raiders here in Vegas?  Hmmmmm I bet there would be a lot of Jets fans that would line up to buy tickets to see their team.  One would venture to guess, that many of those people might have relatives who might want to have a reason to come to Vegas, and so why not plan a trip around the #NYJvsLVR game?  Of course, add to that those who live outside of the United States, who might want to take in an exciting NFL game, and what do we have here?  We have a mixture of locals, nationals, and internationals that have made their way to fill the brand new stadium, in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Velotta described the ‘intangibles’ as part of the allure of Vegas, and while I would agree with that, I also think there are many tangibles, namely people.  The most important element of Vegas is its people, those who live here.  Additionally, there are also those who visit.