There may be typos … forever imperfect, and i don’t usually proof until the morning after . . . ~ Michelle
It’s Christmas time, and I’m reflecting on the years gone by, and looking at my tree, which my son patiently decorated all by himself this year. I was in the midst of my nineteenth nervous breakdown, often called PMS and I just didn’t have the desire to go up to the attic, to gather all the decorations. I kept telling myself I needed to get in the spirit of things, but for some reason the insurmountable taxation of the most recent notice from the IRS alerting me to the taxes I still have yet to pay, the uncovered medical expenses that resulted from my most recent fall, and the incredibly load of student loans just got me really down. It just seems like I’ll never get out from under sometimes, and so I was wallowing in self pity I guess, just not wanting to be ‘into Christmas’ this year . . .
Of course, that’s not fair to my son who recently came home from college, and the true blessing is that I’m not dead from the fall, and that neither of us perished in the hurricane that definitely took our lives in a direction neither of us expected it would. So I had to get myself out of the funk I was in, and remind myself it’s not about me, and what I can’t do, or what I can’t buy this year. It’s more about just remembering to cherish all that is.
The news is overwhelming at times, and it’s just so annoying how people seem so divided and hell bent on perpetuating division. It’s enough to make you want to wash your hands and give up. Nothing will ever change, is the message so many share and it’s probably true. Peace will always be just a bit out of reach, and somewhat elusive. Still though, there’s a sense of magic in the air and even if you don’t have little ones in your home, to help you be mindful of putting your best foot forward, it’s enough to simply put on a Christmas song, and think about the beauty of life, all that have so much less, and deserve so much more. With that being said, I’m going to head out and see what small treasures I can find … my son, as usual has been exemplary and a blessing, and even though I cannot afford the sneakers he would like to have under the tree, I think there’s something out there with his name on it. My greatest gift of all will be to spend the time, even if it’s just short moment in time watching him open him open something special, and knowing in my heart that he was raised to know it’s not about what you get under the tree, but about the time with those you love and cherish that makes this time of year so special. Of course, we all need to remember that … it’s about the spirit and joy, peace and love that however elusive will forever be what this life’s for.